Why don’t you just love yourself

Loving yourself – we are flooded these days with things that tell us we need to love ourselves, as women accept our perceived ‘flaws’ and be confident. Wake up each day and work on telling yourself that you are fantastic – that’s what I have been doing wrong all these years, just not telling myself I love myself enough! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the self love journey but I think this issue is a little deeper than that. How many take the time to actually consider why they lack confidence – why doesn’t it come naturally?

I think more than ever the beauty industry is being held accountable for this lack of confidence and women are questioning what they see and read in magazines, social media and other images and they are going one step further to challenge the fitness industry standards and push campaigns to ‘love your body’ in all its forms. But really – is confidence only skin deep? I don’t think so. I have been trapped into thinking or feeling as though I will be more confident if I am a certain size, shape or weight and while it brings satisfaction, it really doesn’t change my deep rooted issues of confidence or lack of self esteem.

I have hidden my low self esteem and confidence through trying to be an over achiever and almost at times feel as though I have that imposter syndrome feeling. If I just put lots of things on a to do list and get them done then no one will know that I lack confidence in my decisions, I don’t place a high worth on myself or struggle to find my place in the world.

Women particularly are so challenged to do and be it all – we are over stimulated with concepts of being the working mother, raising children, be innovative and entrepreneurial, eat healthy and exercise. Being a mother is a job in itself so then all the other elements society has set standards on has crept in and it stretches women pretty bloody thin – too thin if you ask me. How can you become confident and find your feet if you don’t have the time to properly dedicate to one or two areas in your life and really perfect them? Instead many are juggling 5-6 things and not really being able to find our true confidence in any. I myself juggle motherhood, study, work, creating healthy meal preps each week, working out intensively 5-6 times per week and then there’s all the other small parts to life. Some weeks I don’t know if I am coming or going let alone waking up and telling myself I am fucking fabulous!

Now that’s a normal sort of day to day life but we are telling women that we should be confident, take a stand, remain empowered yet one woman is dying every week from partner violence. We recently had 6 women die within one week. Our country is not appropriately addressing this sad fact. Did you know that women in violence lack self worth? Did you know that the emotional violence leaves long lasting scars to a woman’s self esteem long after the attacks? Do you know that women who experience violence wake up and have a self hatred and loathing for themselves because they don’t know what to do? Did you know that the person who violently attacks their partner in a relationship is also the one that builds them up, compliments them, tells them they love them?

So how the actual hell is a woman meant to build confidence when 1 in 4 of these women are not even safe in their homes!! Their general human rights are violated time and time again, their power removed slowly but surely, their fire has water tossed over it until it fizzles.

Because I have experienced assault I can say the recovery hurts like hell, it’s slow, there were times I sat on the floor and sobbed and told my mum I was worthless and had no value, I had suicidal thoughts and had to call my mum one day as I couldn’t face work and was on the verge of doing something I may not have been able to take back, I woke up days and my brain told me I was a piece of shit who deserved it, I would walk down the street and start having a panic attack.

My ‘confidence’ was nowhere to be seen – it didn’t matter how skinny I was, how ‘healthy’ I was, how I many balls I juggled well. I could barely be a real human being at one stage. I hated looking in the mirror, hated what looked back at me, told myself ‘if only’ I had done something different. Building confidence from that sort of level took intensive therapy, took time identifying what was at my core that made me think of myself that way or accept being treated poorly, it took time losing friendships that were not good for me, it took time deciding ultimately what sort of human being I wanted to end up being.

What do I want to be remembered for? I know the words compassionate, kind and strong come to mind but to get there I need to take one step towards that each day. I would also like to think that I had found my place in this world, made a difference to other lives. So I think as I keep taking steps towards things that are at my core values, I can keep being becoming stronger and more confident within myself and actually like who I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe in self affirmations, minimizing the comparisons to others and embracing who you ultimately are but I think the subject of empowering women and confidence first needs to come from addressing some of these major discrepancies in society and the expectations placed on women to ‘do it and be it all’. First we need to smash through the disgusting violence issues as time and time again women are being groomed into these relationships or being over powered and that completely goes against a woman having confidence, feeling safe and feeling self assured.

I think we need to remind our gorgeous women that no matter what path she is walking, she is more than likely doing her absolute best and that is more than enough.

So until then, I’ll just be over here in my lane avoiding the mean spirited tossers and telling myself each day how fucking fabulous I am because I CAN do it all even though I probably drop my bundle along the way. 🙋🏻‍♀️ 😜

Much love,

MM

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