Cheers Darling

Writing takes so many forms – we share through our social media world, share with our friends through texts or the work we do.  Writing a blog certainly requires a level of creativity or noticing your surroundings and observing people and thinking about it in the context of your life.

I go through periods where I really struggle to write – I don’t have any clear cut ideas on what I want to write about, what message I want to share or sometimes you just become uninspired by the pure lack of engagement you might have with some items you post. 

Sometimes I just become so bedded down in life that I struggle to see what is inspiring or what will motivate others of my day-to-day life.  I think if I were to talk to people around me they would describe me as resilient and strong.  But what I am filled with is a deep sense of self-doubt, an uncertainty about me.  I strive to be a good person but what is the measure of a good person really?

Is a good person someone who has lots of friends?

Does a good person give to charity? 

Do good people do things for free?

Does a good mother make their kids all homemade food?

Does a good person workout regularly? 

Is a good person someone who is nice to everyone but rarely stands up for themselves?

Is a good woman one who juggles working and her career?

Or is it the mother who stays home and does crafts with her kids?

Do you see my point – how do we measure what being a good person is and how can we link this to our self worth and confidence.  As I believe these two things are inextricably linked – often our confidence takes a hammering by our own mind constantly questioning whether we are worthwhile or a good human being. How do we take the parts of ourselves that we are not happy with and turn it into something we can each be comfortable with?

Now I can write a blog about the day to day happenings of life – I run here, I go there, mothering some days can be really tough, work can annoy me, I went to the gym today – it was good but what I would like to do is share some of the vulnerabilities I have experienced and the unique few years under which I have conducted my life in the hope of helping others.  But being vulnerable is tough – being vulnerable when you have been assaulted is even tougher. 

Being assaulted also leads to feelings of low self worth, fear and being uncomfortable or certainly being unsure of yourself.  So I have spent a great deal of time thinking about the person I want to be, how I want to behave, do I want to keep myself closed off? Then add the fact that I am an anxious person – well that is just a bucket full of overthinking and worry doused on top of my head! 

I realised a while back that I did not want to have a life where I inherently didn’t trust other people and always expected the worst in others – that is not a way to live.  Do I also want to live a life that I love or a life that I think others will like me better for?

The answer to that one is pretty simple – I want the life I love so with that comes accepting a degree of judgment, an element of others questioning your motives or why you do something but I think what I try to remind myself is that because I chose to have a life I love – that doesn’t make me a bad person.  I am not attempting to hurt others, I am not disregarding my wonderful little boys – I am simply choosing to be courageous and with courage comes challenge.

So what are my measures of being a good person then? I think I would have to link this back to my family environment – being the best mother I know I can be, giving my sons a safe, loving and warm environment to be in, being a good partner and striving to be kind and compassionate even when at times I want to be angry, striving to invest in my friends and family and finally – helping others.  Lending a listening ear, making someone a tea or coffee, allowing someone to be vulnerable around me, lifting someone hiding under the cloak of shame out into the light.

And so with that I realise that my measures of whether I am good person are based on the strength of the relationships around me – it’s not how successful I am in work, not how fit and healthy I am, not even how nice my house is. My biggest measures of success are the interpersonal relationships I forge in my life. 

Much love,

MM

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