The boys…. only 19 months apart… well what do I start with, there were a lot of nappies, bit of milk floating around too and just a smidge of sleep deprivation….
But there is genuinely no other way to describe it other than pure and unprepared chaos! I remember Levi used to wake at some ungodly hour of 5am throughout the end of my pregnancy and all I could think was I am tired now, how the actual flying dog balls am I going to get up to him after being up all night with bub?!?! I won’t function starting my day at that time after no sleep!
But function I did, somehow. Most mothers do. There were nights when I was so unbelievably tired – nausea, tear jerking tired begging Beckham to go to sleep or for the boys to nap and I could just rest my eyes. I remember with Levi I did every single night breast feed in his rocking chair in his room, it was what I wanted to do and felt comfortable with but Beckham….. well one night I was just so achingly tired for sleep I could hear him crying but my body didn’t seem to want to move, I couldn’t get it to get up and hand over that boob becky boo so badly wanted. Alas, my mum appeared in my room with him and handed him down to me – I laid on my side and just let him latch – hello ladies this is not my first time on this merry go round – I’ve got this breastfeeding down this time. I can feed all acrobatic and half asleep, not really but so much easier than the first time round. Mum took him back from me to burp him and before they had even left the room I think I was asleep.
So kids…. that’s motherhood of two under two! Good luck!
No not really – don’t get me wrong there are sooooo many moments like this and you definitely begin to function at a whole new level of sleep deprivation but that’s what coffee is ultimately for, I truly believe this.
It’s having a new level of patience you never thought possible, it’s learning to put not one but two totally dependent humans before yourself, it’s generally learning to be humble, it’s really having one baby and adding another, it’s gorgeously innocent, it’s heartbreakingly scary that you have two now totally reliant, it’s pure bliss when you look at them tucked into their cots sound asleep knowing you made it through yet another day and you kept them safe and alive.
It’s messy, holy shit (literally) is it messy – there are too many nappies to count, milky bottles that need washing, washing itself, food on the floor, bodily fluids on your clothes. Learning to be strong as you carry a capsule and a toddler because they want to be picked up, packing half the house to go for coffee. Going from one child to two is like going to taking care of a football team. I don’t know why but you talk to any mother and they will tell you one to two is the hardest transition in the list of multiple children. Well the close in age transitions anyway.
But in all this, I think it’s an important reminder to all mummies to not neglect themselves too much. My weight absolutely plummeted – I had lost 15kgs in 10 weeks post birth and let’s just say I was only 59kgs at full term. I started to feel really weak, shaky, achy and sore. I figured I was getting mastitis and rather than go to the dr I filled an old script that I knew was safe for breastfeeding to kill it off. What I didn’t notice was that I was suppressing an infection in my uterus. The weeks passed by and I didn’t pay too much attention and at 10 weeks post birth I was still bleeding. My mum pushed me to get it checked and it was found I had retained placenta and I was actually getting an infection in my uterus each time I thought I had mastitis. I was put in for a pleasant curette for day surgery but what this did trigger was starting to lose my milk supply. I had lost too much weight, been away from my newborn and super stressed at doing the two under two on my own. My milk supply just didn’t recover and I was devastated when I had to give up feeding so much earlier than what I had hoped. Remember mummas, don’t get so busy in the two that you forget you!
From there it has been some amazing years filled with milestones like toilet training, solids, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, laughter and bonding. No sooner was one finished, another one was on the move with something new. I haven’t had time to really think too heavily about each phase – just rolling with it or is it allowing the steam train to roll over me?!?! Who knows!!
My only one regret in all of it – is I made Levi grow up too early. He became the big brother and purely based on physical size and ability to communicate I forgot how really little he was at 19 months. I expected him to be doing more than he probably could or would become frustrated at the tantrums or his lack of ability to understand. This is just down to me not really knowing. I wish I had realised – I would have babied him more, treasured how little he really was and just not worried as much. He’s a brilliant big brother and Beckham is damm lucky to have him always watching over him.
They now get into mischief together, look out for one another, support each other when something scares them (Beckham now scares the magpies for his big brother as Levi is petrified of them). I was told to get through the first two years of two under two and it will be the best thing I ever did – well here and now, it was the BEST thing I ever did. Raising these two boys is one crazy rollercoaster but the sleepless nights, the sick long days, the bickering, the tears – it’s all worth it!!!
So for anyone feeling alone right in the thick of it – keep stepping through the days, keep catching up on sleep when you can, take too many photos as it will become a blur of who did what when and remember to hug them. It goes soooo quickly!!